Passing

I cried. I cannot remember ever crying for a girl in the past. Maybe it's the alcohol. Maybe I just needed an outlet.

I still don't understand how something can change so drastically over a short period of time. We were happily having dim sum in the afternoon and come nightfall, she tells me that she cannot feel my love for her. I don't understand how having spent almost everyday together, having talked to her everyday when I was overseas, having looked and kissed her with love every time showed that I didn't love her.

This had come so sudden that I don't know what to think. Many thoughts have flowed through my mind since. Perhaps she didn't really love me as much. Perhaps I was just there as a rebound. Perhaps having gone out with other people, she feels she still want to consider her other options. Maybe I shouldn't think so much.

I just learnt that now she's gone to KL. Before this happened, I didn't mind her going at all. Now, I think of how she might be going back to him. It's silly really. Maybe I shouldn't think so much.

Good night Singapore.

Vesak Day and Karma

It is the eve of Vesak Day. Or rather it WAS the eve of Vesak Day. The celebration of Vesak Day is to commemorate the birth, enlightenment and attainment of Nirvana for Buddha, specifically the Buddha Sidharta (Wonder if I spelt it right). And as this is a Buddhist festival, inevitably Buddhist teachings such as Karma comes into mind.

Thus, it makes me wonder whether my own Karma has came back to teach me a lesson coincedentally having mentioned Karma in just the last post. I have to say this had been a considerably bad day for me. A chain of events has almost if not totally ruined my mood for the holidays. Now, let me list the bad things that have befallen upon me.

Now, I was to attend a friend's wedding next Friday or at least I thought I was to attend one. This said friend had in earlier months asked me for my mailing address so as to mail me the wedding invite. As it was really close to the wedding date and I have not heard from her, I decided to give her a call to ask whether she has mailed it out. When I spoke to her imagine my surprise when she said that she found out she didn't have enough places and said sorry for not being able to invite me. What made me really annoyed and disappointed was not the fact that she couldn't invite me due to the lack of space but rather that she had not bothered to call me up and inform me of it. I mean if you had asked for my mailing address, I would at least expect the decency to call me and let me know if you decided to change your mind and not invite me. I am a person who gets very affected by sincerity of my friends and from this incident alone I realized that this is not a friend that is worth treasuring.

Next comes the partying or intention to party. Considering this was the eve and all, I was all psyched up to party the night away. First up I joined some friends at a Thai Disco at Golden Mile. While it was interesting initially, I soon got bored cause there's no girls at our group and the place was populated by rather old or bengish crowd. So I decided to head down to Zouk for the Mambo night since it's a Wednesday. Been ages since I last went and when I almost reached the whole road was stop go traffic cause of the huge crowd. Did everyone just woke up and decided to go Mambo cause there were like about 100-200 people hanging outside the god damned place. Straight away I knew it was a lost cause and so decided to find my other friends at some pub in Boat Quay. Now having arrived at BQ, I called my friends and they told me they've left for St James!! How bad can this night get! I finally decided that this is probably some way of telling me I should go back home and tonight's not the night for partying. So heeding the divine intervention, I decided to head home early on the eve of a public holiday. How rare is that but my troubles was not about to end for this my bad day.

While driving home and almost exiting the expressway way (it was like only 200-300 metres from the god damned exit!) I was stopped by the TP for speeding! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! In my entire life of driving in Singapore, this was the first traffic ticket I've received! Now of course I had parking tickets before but this was the first traffic offense. On top of that, I was not even high and I took care to look around for TPs too. This time they seem to turn out from nowhere. That's $150 plus 6 fucking demerit points! ARGHHH…. I know I am not an angel and most of the time flaunt the law by speeding. I know it's wrong by having a glass or two and driving. But to be caught while heading home on an early night seems soo……sigh…

Actually now that I am typing this, my mind seemed to have sorted it out. Wouldn't I have been much worst if I was caught drunk and driving home. Or going home late and exceeding the speed limit by more than 25km/hr which I sometimes do to reach home earlier.

A quote from someone I met suddenly comes to my mind. He told me that sometimes when bad things happen, we shouldn't think of it as being unlucky. Instead, we should think that by having bad things happen now, it would mean that better things will come soon. It made sense. Let's hope after today and all that has happened, good things will come to me soon. This has been a long rant and guess it's therapeutic in its own way. Good night Singapore.

Trackback

Whoops, guess it's been ages since I've updated with an entry. As usual, it's night time and a time to reflect on the past months. I've been busy lately with work. The new job's seen me flying around more often than before but all's good as the daily allowance is good money. Especially since I seem to spend more nowadays.

On the relationship front, it's still nadah. I've recently been dating two girls as in putting serious consideration to thinking how to make it work. But somehow things aren't going as good as I hoped. I wonder whether anyone whose gone through life with a reasonable amount of time will experience the same feelings or thoughts as I have. Now this is something that has always been through my mind. How many people out there has the same thoughts and experiences as me. Which is partly the reason why I chose this blog's title. Ok, that's sidetracking. What I wanted to say is that nowadays when I see or encounter certain new events in life, I tend to be able to "predict", some may call it that whilst others may call it "think too much", how certain things will end up. I have to say in both occurences while going out with these two girls, I've seen certain less than ideal circumstances. Of course I've long heard of the saying of thinking less and going with your heart but a leopard can never change its spots. I am a man of pragmatism. I've always went with my mind and that is probably my greatest failing.

So it is now with these two girls. One I seen instability while the other incompatibility. Perhaps I should go back to the safety of my cave and enjoy or rather rot in my freedom. I have no answer as of yet and as usual one can never tell the future. Or perhaps I should hold out for a better fit to come along. Hell knows I've been single for so long does it really matter. In any case, I'll have to wait and see what the future holds for me as usual. Incoherent thoughts as usual.

On other fronts, I am trying to gain back my fitness. I've been trying to run on a regular basis. To think that I used to be so fit and marathons would not be a problem. Now with the growing belly or "wealth" tummy as some would call it, I am loath to see myself turn into a middle age pot bellied Uncle. Though in recent days, that's what my friends have started to call me. Let's hope my discipline kicks in and I'm able to go carry out my plans.

Oh, interestingly over the weekend I went to a kind of SDU event. My friend got the invites and asked me along. This is not something that I usually go to. Nay, this is not something I go to at all. I don't like to subject myself to the desperation of growing old single. And this is exactly what I saw in the event. Desperation? Too strong a word? But that is what I saw. Grown men and women putting in their last ditch effort to know someone who might rescue them from a life of loneliness. Plus the fact that there were alot of misfits in their midst. I didn't want to say it out loud in front of my friend that I think all the people there who went can't make it as I was afraid I'll hurt his feelings should he think that I was refering to him. But those were my thoughts. I know I am biased but I can't help but think these people are odd. Some of them probably have great personalities but I am not about to find out. I am sure karma exist and sometimes I think that my long standing singlehood is probably karma's way of getting back at me for laughing at all of them. Oh well, Karma 1 Me 0 then.

Ok, this is getting abit long. Let's see when's my next entry will be. Good night Singapore.

Travels and Festivities

It's been a long while since I last dusted this blog. Been pretty busy these days and also spending more time out with my buddies. There's been alot of big festivities over the past few months what with X'mas, New Year and the upcoming Lunar New Year. Hrmm…I think I am spending more time living a hopefully interesting life than talking about it. Not that it's really that much more interesting. As with festivities and the upcoming Valentine's day, I've been feeling a bout of loneliness. I've also been drinking more. Spending more time at pubs in Boat Quay, clubs like Zouk, St James etc. I think I am trying to hope that by going out more, I will give myself more opportunities to know more friends and hopefully a potential gf? Deep inside, I guess we know that this is not the right way to go about it but sometimes we tend to deceive ourselves.

On the other point of the entry, I've been travelling more lately. Just came back from Bangkok and will be going to Tokyo for business trip. I kind of like going on biz trips nowadays. Not only do I get to getaway for a while, the allowances are good. It helps me do some savings. I realised that when you earn more, you spend more and I really have to start saving more money for the future. Despite having worked for 8 years, my savings are pathetic. Over the years, the spendings on my car as well as losses in the stock market had pretty much burnt off all my saving. Hopefully within these 2 years, I'll be able to save up more for my goals.

Ok, strangely not really in a deep thoughtful reflective mood to write much. Till the next time then. Good night Singapore.

A wedding with old friends…

On Sunday I dropped by Jakarta to attend the wedding of my old university buddy. It was an interesting affair to say the least. I have always know the Indons to have elaborate big weddings but to have 1400 people in the same ballroom as you was overwhelming.

It started off with me having some mileage points left over and having been invited to my good friend's wedding in Indonesia. Actually I reckon it was a very good deal. The air ticket's claimed so not much there, the Four Season's Hotel room was at a special rate of USD100 because of my friend's wedding and it includes a free SPA as well as breakfast. I think if I were to drop by Bintan, it'll probably cost me the same.

Upon arrival, another Indon friend brought me out for lunch at this roadside restaurant. For those who've never been to Indonesia, you have to be careful of these Warung eating places. The ones with made up stalls are slightly more risky for those with weak stomach. But we went to a slightly more middle class one which is more like a restaurant so it's all good. The place is call Tata Ribs. Named after the fabulous and famous ribs they served. There's both a BBQ-ed and soup version of it. I decided on the BBQ-ed version. It came with a soup and the ribs. The soup was peppery but good and the ribs were awesome. It was served with this peanut sauce kinda like satay sauce. I have gotta try it again next time I'm there.

After the meal, I went for the nice SPA. The traditional Javanese massage was very hard and painful but it felt refreshing after it all. In the evening was the wedding proper. As mentioned, it was a huge affair. Now over there they have this version of a standing party. There's only less than 10 tables around the ballroom and these are reserved for VIPs only. The rest of the guest stood and they got into a queue for the buffet dinner. There were various stalls serving various dishes like the buffet line, dim sum and satay. The food was good but just that eating was troublesome. In an Indon wedding, they take ang pows as well and this is typically the equivalent of USD20 to 40 dollars which works out to around 200k to 400k rupiah.

Now the guest would go on stage to take pictures with the couple. As the number of guests is like huge, you can imagine that they take a single picture with a huge number of people. This was darn interesting to behold.

Now I must say I enjoyed the wedding alot. Because besides the good food and catching up with my old friends there, there were loads of DAMN good looking indonesian chinese girls there to look at. It's probably the first time I've seen so many beautiful indonesian chinese girls in one spot. They were all dress in their beautiful gowns which provided ample eye candy for the evening especially with their low cut attire showing off their full fair breasts.

Anyway, I would like to wish my friend H and his new found wife V all the blessings and happiness for their years to come. Good night Singapore.

Mixed Emotions

Hello everybody, I'm back from the land of the Bin Lang Meis. I've been getting alot of mixed emotions lately. I'll be going to start on my new job soon and I'm pretty excited about it. I like knowing new people and also new environments. Guess it's also due to my nature of enjoying new experiences. But on the other hand, I feel some anxiety on the new and added roles I will be taking up. I hope I can do well in them and excel. I am an ambitious person and part of it is taking the risks that comes along with the package.

Anyway, my birthday bash was fun. I like being in the company of alot of friends. They make me feel wanted and "in existence". I've always feared loneliness and crave for company. Think I'll make a poor hermit. As expected I was totally thrashed. Was very greatful for my friends to have sent me back. It must really have peeved them when I finally stood up at home and wave them goodbye. Haha… It wasn't intentional but I had a short span of alertness when I reached home. After that it was hello darkness again.

Another incident that got me thinking was this new girl I am starting to have an interests in. Problem is that until now I do not know what to make of her. Her actions portray that of a playful and non serious spirit that is just having fun. But yet when I do get a chance to meet up with her, which is not often, she comes across as having an interests in me. I do enjoy her company and I think that one of the greatest things that I like about her is that she can laugh at herself and she's oh so very witty. I think I need to take my time in slowly understanding what this girl is all about. Time will tell I suppose. Let's just wait and see.

Good night Singapore.

A new challenge and 我爱台妹

*Blows dust off blog*

Yes, it's been a long while since I wrote anything. I guess I've always been a procrastinator. Whether in work or blogging. Alot of times, I encountered experiences which in my mind I tell myself that I should blog about it, such as the good dinners I had over the past few months, the Bangkok and Bali trips I went and the new people I met, but coming home, I'm either too tired to do it or I decided that I'd rather do something else.

Anyway, highlight of today's post is that I've FINALLY got a new job. Strangely or funnily enough, I was approached by two different headhunting agencies for the same job. In the end, my new employer gave it to the first agency to submit my name. Yeh for them. Now, I'll be moving from Hello Moto to Connecting People. No prizes for guessing which companies those are.

Now this wasn't one of them easy decisions due to two reasons. First being that the job nature requires more delivery and less pre-sales which wasn't what I'm used to. But I reckon it's a good learning experience for me. Second being the package. I wanted a 35% increment from my last job due to potential promotion and increment and among other factors but they were only able to give 25%. Doing the maths, it's really not alot more after I minus away all the various cost. But I think the potential of the job is better than my current one so that helped me made up my mind to plan for mid to long term instead of realising immediate returns. Hope this decision works out for me. Wish me luck.

Next up, for the first time in my life I am planning a huge birthday bash for myself. Ok, strictly speaking, it's not really a bash. I basically only made a flyer to invite almost all my friends to a drink session at Boulevard Bar this friday. I chose Boulevard Bar at Red Dot Traffic Building cause the place is similar to Balcony and Loft but with less of the popularity so that I can hopefully get a large area to myself. Will probably be expecting around 25 to 30 guests. I think this early mid-life crisis is going to set me back by around 1-1.5k but heck, I only live once.

Finally, after my "birthday bash" I'm going to Taiwan. It's been years since I last went Taiwan. I went there 3 times in the past due to my NS. This time I'm going for a 7 days package tour with my mom, sis and brother-in-law. Though it's with family, I'm still looking forward to it. Partly cause I need a holiday and secondly, I would like to revisit Taiwan and finally see it from the eyes of a tourist.

Alot of things seems to be happening over the weekend. The night before I fly, 28th Oct, is where every club, pub and night spot celebrates Halloween. I'll be dropping by the Cowboy Bar's Halloween event for a quick drink. Don't think I can stay late due to the flight the next day. Oh well, guess it'll have to be another year before you see me dressed up as a ghoul.

Taiwan here I come. 我爱台妹. Good night Singapore.