The Race

I've just finished my invigorating run. I would love to run more regularly but due to my laziness and lack of time, I end up only doing sporadic runs. Actually, it's during these runs that I find time to destress and process my thoughts.

This year as always, I try to convince myself to do some competitive runs so I've signed up for the annual StanChart Marathon. During the run today, I thought to myself what is the favourite part of the run. And I realised that it's that last km or 500metres to the finish line with the crowd by the side and the music blasting from the dozen or so speakers. It is an invigorating and adrenalin pumping experience. And StanChart somehow manages to get it right to a T. I love that feeling, perhaps it's the feeling of being able to accomplish something or perhaps it's the feeling of completion.

I guess this is not the first time someone says that a race is like our life experiences. At different times of our lives, we run different races. My life has yet to reach normalcy yet and yes, my finances are still in a mess. I hope to finish this race soon and trying hard to climb back. It's not an easy race and I have no idea when I will see the finish line. I can only hope though.

In any case, I hope you all are doing well in your races. And I hope to see you at the Singapore StanChart Marathon this December as well. Good night Singapore.

How?

How do I make the most of my limited time and achieve all which I had hoped to achieve in my life? Ever since I started my working life, I have strived to climb beyond those whom I deemed as my peers. I have struggled to achieve more and more. And yet, as life would have it, a number of mistakes in life has set me back than most. True, I still have a very attractive package in work when I compare to some but this is but a facade of reality.

I do not have a substantial bank account, I don't have a nice place to call my own at my current age, I do not have enough to move to the next step of starting a family, I do not own the true "financial freedom" 5 Cs. One might argue that we should be contented but why should we when it was possible to achieve more and why should we be contented with our lot. I wish to achieve more and to make up for lost time but the more I try to do that, the more I see myself being setback. How can I move forward now with the uphill task becoming harder and harder as each year goes by? How indeed?

Good night Singapore.

Depression

It's that sick feeling in your stomach. I've made a number of very bad decisions in the past few months which would probably jeopardize all my savings. At a time when I am coming to the ripe old age of 35, some might say I am still young and can start over but the fact is, I do not feel like I have many such years left. To start over with nothing is a fearful thought. No apartment, no savings and with an outstanding loan on the car. This sucks.

While I try to gather as much of my optimism as possible or still left, I get this feeling in the stomach. It's a mixture of fear, anxiety and depression. Good night Singapore.

And the Market goes north...

Everyday I wish I'll be able to recover all my losses over the years and make a hefty profit when all this is over. Good night Singapore?

Happy牛Year

Alas, it's been ages since I've last visited here. As usual been busy procrastinating. Lunar New Year has come to our nice city again. Having celebrated many many CNY, yes I am that old, I still look forward to the merry making, the gambling and the food asscociated with it. It's the time whereby families come together and catch up with one another.

However, the shrewd eye observer will notice that behind all the joyous celebration lies an intricate balancing act. All the family members want to appear to be doing well while, as the chinese saying goes, each family holds a difficult to read sutra. For the most part, I have learnt over the years to stand from afar and observe these going-ons with amusement or if not, a detached disinterest. Such as when one auntie complains how they were ill-treated by their daughter-in-law or when the daughter of the grandmother acts the dutiful daughter. These scenes no longer moved me as much.

Having said that, again however, sometimes I still get affected when the incidents happen too close to home. Such as how the married sibling hinting openly that they would like lunch to be started earlier. Now my parents are old and as they grow older, they see the sibling lesser and lesser due to the fact that the sibling is not staying with us and that the in-law does not like to come back to visit. I guess as with all of us, the longing to see our own flesh and blood gets more obvious with age. Thus, of course they will try harder to please the sibling to have a chance that they will come home. To tell them that it's too early might be risking them not coming home. Despite this joyous season, I feel sad when I know for the most part, we are not as closely knit a family as we hope to be or show to be. It's all about intricately balancing the wants and the needs of every family member and sometimes it gets tiring when one or another does not do his/her part.

But of course, every family has their difficult to read sutra. Mine would not be harder than others. I hope it gets easier. I was speaking to my better half, yes I am surprisingly attached for over a year now, on whether I should always let things affect me. While she gave the PC answer which is both yes and no, in truth the answer is most of time a yes and no answer. Maybe in that sense I lack character but I think that's how I was brought up. Same goes for how my siblings act, it's how they were brought up so perhaps it is a part of my parents doing.

In any case, I am going all over the shop with this. During this festive season, let me wish everyone a Happy Lunar Year.


Good night Singapore.

Projects, projects, projects...

Sometimes I wonder why every company and every group have the same problem of not being able to walk away. Even when the opportunity is minute and the effort to proceed is great. Guess I'll be stuck in KL till the end of time. Good night Singapore.

Devastated

How can you show someone you love her so much and that you would do anything for her and that she means so much to you that you can possibly imagine when she tells you that she can't feel your love...