How?

How do I make the most of my limited time and achieve all which I had hoped to achieve in my life? Ever since I started my working life, I have strived to climb beyond those whom I deemed as my peers. I have struggled to achieve more and more. And yet, as life would have it, a number of mistakes in life has set me back than most. True, I still have a very attractive package in work when I compare to some but this is but a facade of reality.

I do not have a substantial bank account, I don't have a nice place to call my own at my current age, I do not have enough to move to the next step of starting a family, I do not own the true "financial freedom" 5 Cs. One might argue that we should be contented but why should we when it was possible to achieve more and why should we be contented with our lot. I wish to achieve more and to make up for lost time but the more I try to do that, the more I see myself being setback. How can I move forward now with the uphill task becoming harder and harder as each year goes by? How indeed?

Good night Singapore.

Depression

It's that sick feeling in your stomach. I've made a number of very bad decisions in the past few months which would probably jeopardize all my savings. At a time when I am coming to the ripe old age of 35, some might say I am still young and can start over but the fact is, I do not feel like I have many such years left. To start over with nothing is a fearful thought. No apartment, no savings and with an outstanding loan on the car. This sucks.

While I try to gather as much of my optimism as possible or still left, I get this feeling in the stomach. It's a mixture of fear, anxiety and depression. Good night Singapore.

And the Market goes north...

Everyday I wish I'll be able to recover all my losses over the years and make a hefty profit when all this is over. Good night Singapore?

Happy牛Year

Alas, it's been ages since I've last visited here. As usual been busy procrastinating. Lunar New Year has come to our nice city again. Having celebrated many many CNY, yes I am that old, I still look forward to the merry making, the gambling and the food asscociated with it. It's the time whereby families come together and catch up with one another.

However, the shrewd eye observer will notice that behind all the joyous celebration lies an intricate balancing act. All the family members want to appear to be doing well while, as the chinese saying goes, each family holds a difficult to read sutra. For the most part, I have learnt over the years to stand from afar and observe these going-ons with amusement or if not, a detached disinterest. Such as when one auntie complains how they were ill-treated by their daughter-in-law or when the daughter of the grandmother acts the dutiful daughter. These scenes no longer moved me as much.

Having said that, again however, sometimes I still get affected when the incidents happen too close to home. Such as how the married sibling hinting openly that they would like lunch to be started earlier. Now my parents are old and as they grow older, they see the sibling lesser and lesser due to the fact that the sibling is not staying with us and that the in-law does not like to come back to visit. I guess as with all of us, the longing to see our own flesh and blood gets more obvious with age. Thus, of course they will try harder to please the sibling to have a chance that they will come home. To tell them that it's too early might be risking them not coming home. Despite this joyous season, I feel sad when I know for the most part, we are not as closely knit a family as we hope to be or show to be. It's all about intricately balancing the wants and the needs of every family member and sometimes it gets tiring when one or another does not do his/her part.

But of course, every family has their difficult to read sutra. Mine would not be harder than others. I hope it gets easier. I was speaking to my better half, yes I am surprisingly attached for over a year now, on whether I should always let things affect me. While she gave the PC answer which is both yes and no, in truth the answer is most of time a yes and no answer. Maybe in that sense I lack character but I think that's how I was brought up. Same goes for how my siblings act, it's how they were brought up so perhaps it is a part of my parents doing.

In any case, I am going all over the shop with this. During this festive season, let me wish everyone a Happy Lunar Year.


Good night Singapore.

Projects, projects, projects...

Sometimes I wonder why every company and every group have the same problem of not being able to walk away. Even when the opportunity is minute and the effort to proceed is great. Guess I'll be stuck in KL till the end of time. Good night Singapore.

Devastated

How can you show someone you love her so much and that you would do anything for her and that she means so much to you that you can possibly imagine when she tells you that she can't feel your love...

The Ugly Netizen

Here are some reasons why one should minimise associating with people on the web:

1) They carry a lot of emotional baggage. Be it coming from a family with single parenthood, low self esteem, emotional upheavals and such. So they tend to be either be overly weary of most people or they are too trusting to some classes of people whom they lacked in life.

2) They are deadly gossip mongers. Now with the advancement of communication, you can basically hear one rumour from one person and disseminate that to 100 well-connected others in a matter of seconds. Most lack the judgement of validating the rumours prefering to extrapolate the hearings. It's kind of like that childhood game we used to play when a group of kids would pass on a message from one person to another and see what we will get at the end. Each re-telling gets more fantastic than the previous one. And that's the word to use, Fantastic. It's like fantasy, not real but exciting enough to get the other person interested in giving their attention to you.

3) Yes, and most of the time they tend to be ugly as well.
4) There's still more but I lack the interest of continuing.

Good night Singapore.